If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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