if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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