'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize