she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
