sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
