And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
