It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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