Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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