The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
