So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
