Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The air was thick with penises
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
