3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
