so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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