Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
