Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
