Is it normal to miss your booty call?
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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