I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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