And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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