A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And then my night got REAL pukey
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
