Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize