saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
