I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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