every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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