So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
