why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
