I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
