Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
