Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
