i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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