dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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