it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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