Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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