Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
