I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize