he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
