nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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