The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
