I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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