They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
