Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
