I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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