so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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