Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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