so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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