sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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