I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
