I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
