There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
