i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
