Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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