Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
