meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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