ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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