I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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