it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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