I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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