I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
