What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
