There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize