I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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