I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
