Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
where are my eyebrows?
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