someone threw a dead crab at me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
PANTIES FOUND
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