never play flip cup with pint glasses
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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