Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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