he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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