The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
