Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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