My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
