i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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