his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
