My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
