I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
