My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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