I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
