dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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