I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
