gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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