I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
