I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
