dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
