guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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