my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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