Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
