my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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