It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
