Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
