Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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