It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
