Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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