I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would fuck him just for his dog
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
