Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
