i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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