If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
