im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
