he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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