Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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