Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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