He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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