he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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